I think Christians can face a degree of tension when thinking about the subject of singleness. We know that it is portrayed as a gift in Scripture (more on that tomorrow) but it doesn’t always feel like that. If we are honest the difficulties and challenges seem far more apparent. Is Scripture wrong?

My answer is no- Scripture does suggest that singleness is hard. The passage we studied at church on Sunday evening- Genesis 2:18-25 indicates this. It is the bliss of a perfect creation with everything being good. There is just one exception: it is not good for Adam to be alone. And so a helper is created for him- one who can work alongside him in the cultivation of the garden. The man responds with delight and the first human marriage takes place at the end of the chapter. Marriage throughout Scripture (see Song of Songs as an example) is portrayed as very good. Whilst it is not the only solution to the problem of man being alone it certainly appears to be the main one in Genesis 2. This does mean that there will be something in us as human beings that longs for a marriage relationship. In addition we are created as sexual beings and we all have a longing for that to be given expression. Marriage between a man and woman is good- and not to have that will be painful.

I think that works itself out in two main ways. Firstly, it means that many single people will often struggle with loneliness. That lack of companionship can be felt in different situations:

– Having nobody readily available to talk to after a difficult day at work or when a tough decision has to be made. There may be friends around but most single people struggle to work out when they should or shouldn’t be seen to be bothering others.

– Having nobody to share household tasks. Most married couples divide out responsibility for things like finance, DIY, car maintenance, cleaning and so on in line with their different aptitudes. By contrast the single person often feels the need to be omnicompetent.

– Holidays, birthdays and Christmas/New Year can often intensify feelings of isolation particularly when it is assumed that everybody is looking forward to them.

– For those who are single because of divorce or bereavement there can be real pain in missing the old partner.

I suspect that this gets harder over the years. In some ways I regret having published an article on singleness in my twenties- because the experience of being single is very different as the years develop and most contemporaries are married and have other responsibilities.

The second struggle for the Christian single will be in the area of temptation. We are sexual beings and it can be hard for single people to find an appropriate way of expressing this. Of course marriage does not remove all sexual temptation but there is, it seems to me, a peculiar difficulty linked to singleness.

So singleness can be acutely painful. In God’s plan He has chosen not to give us something that is good. It is a form of suffering in one sense and it is probably helpful to acknowledge this.

Before I leave Genesis 2 I want to make one other comment. “It is not good for man to be alone.” Whilst marriage seems to be the main answer to that dilemma it is not the only one. Pursuing friendships is vital for the single person. That challenges me as an introvert- my temperament tells me that it is good for me to be alone. But that is a path to selfishness and a life that doesn’t have the wise input of others- a danger for the Christian. I need to believe that God’s Word knows best and, consequently, I need good friendships. Particularly for the older single person these can be difficult to find- and this is something that married couples need to ponder. I am always encouraged when I see families in the church deliberately seek to include others in their family life (and there are a number of fine examples of this around Woody Road). It seems to me that this reflects the biblical teaching that, if we are Christians, we are part of- and have responsibility towards- two families. When young people start going out with each other and are heading towards engagement I often plead with them not to abandon their friends. To be sure, time with friends may be more limited (especially if and when children come along) but the Christian life can never be reduced to wanting to spend all our time looking into another person’s eyes. And I, as a single person, have a responsibility not to drown in self-pity or be resentful towards families but to support them and be prayerful for their marriages, their children and so on. Because as we will see tomorrow there are challenges in being married as well.

It is not good for us to be alone. That means that singleness will always have some degree of pain attached to it. But that can be decreased if the church lives up to its calling to be a family. The question remains: how can married people and single people help each other? Feel free to comment…